Pet Loss- The Grieving Process

 Pet Loss- The Grieving Process

 Day 23
I'm alone tonight.
I normally quite like having some time.
But without you here the housw feels very lonely.
It's weird but I thought I heard you panting this evening.
I walked past the calendar I had made at xmas.
I used photos of all the family for each month.
I had forgotten to turn to August.
The picture is a lovely one of you in a lake.
You look so pretty, bright eyed and happy.
It made me cry once more for my loss.
I spoke to mum about getting another dog and she said she would be more than happy to walk another Shepherd.
That's a tough one as I don't want to compare but you
were so lovely and gentle you have made me love the breed.
Its far to soon any way and I'm just not ready.
I try to keep my time filled to fill the void of your absense.
The pain is a dull ache as time begins to heal the hurt.
I'm so grateful for everything we had and that you were the way you were.
Large but so gentle........my companion through thick and thin.
Loved by all who met you with your ears and tail you never quite grew into.
Missed by me and many.

Dealing With Pet Loss

  

Dealing With Pet Loss

Day 21

I've been away for the weekend camping.
It was great and where I took you last year.
I missed your presence.
We went on a beautiful walk which in your younger days you would have loved.
we wouldn't have been able to take you as you were your little back legs wouldn't have taken the miles.
When we got back we stayed at Jule's and I opened the cupboard where all your stuff is.
It caught me by surprise.
Your hair was still in the brush.
For some reason this mad me so sad and I had to get rid of the hair.
I broke down in tears saddened once more at my loss.
Maybe it was the camping trip which set me off or maybe just grief is triggered by things you don't even know will affect you.
Whichever it is it hurts but I know I am more excepting of the fact you have gone.
I guess like anything there will be many trips, many places we went together which won't ever be the same.
At least I have those great memories of you.
Tomorrow will be 3 weeks how fast and slow time goes.
Time is a great healer they say and maybe I should use time in a better way to get the absolute maximum from my life. when it's gone it's gone and you can never get it back.

Coping With The Loss Of A Dog

Coping With The Loss Of A Dog

Day 16

It's the end of my day as I write this.
I've said goodnight to you and m off to bed.
I seem to be getting more used to you not being here.
I still find myself pausing at the front door when I come home.
I still say goodbye to you in the morning and goodninght to you at bed time.
I sometimes wake during the night convinced I can hear you panting.
Maybe you are here and watching over me as I sleep.
That's quite comforting in some respects.
Maybe I don't need to write as often but this isn't a reflection on not missing you I guess I'm just getting used to living without you.

Dealing With Pet Loss

  

Dealing With Pet Loss

Day 15

So its been a whole 2 weeks since you've been gone.
It seems to have gone incredibly slowly and yet incredibly quickly.
I still chat to you when I get in but I am feeling better about the whole thing.
When I get home I keep busy and I'm back into a routine which again helps.
My positive frame of mind is beginning to return and I find my self remembering the good things more and not just the day you left.
I guess this must be a good thing although there is a certain amount of guilt associated with this.
I desperately want to be back to my old self but feel bad for feeling this way.
I know at some stage I need to throw the old rug in the front room away.
To be honest it smells but it reminds me of you so for now it will remain.
I'm sure my friends will tell me if it gets to bad.
I like to think you are running around as you used to chasing squirrels and flirting with boy dogs.
I should do something with your ashes and I want you to be close so have changed my mind about scattering you on the wind.
I think I'll keep you safe in the garden which you used to love.
I miss you and probably always will

Losing A Pet

Losing A Pet

Day 14

I was immersed in work today so wasn't to bad.
I cycled home quite happily but as I got closer to home I could feel a weight on my body.
I locked the bike in the garage and as I climbed the steps I felt sad.
I opened the front door waiting, listening, watching.
I'm not sure what I expected to see.
You weren't there as I knew you wouldn't be.
This is the hardest bit of my day.
I know it will never change.
I know it can't change.
So what do I do?
For now I can't do anything but remember and hope each journey home becomes a little bit easier.